One small shake for man, one giant problem for Muslim-kind

Ok it’s not SUCH a giant problem but I wanted that title. Now on to the topic of the day… The Hand Shake screams

There’s a lovely lady whose family I work with; upon our first meeting/interview she said, ‘We’d love you to work with us, but I feel like I need to tell you something: we’re a Jewish family. Will that be a problem?’

Which was incredible because until that point I thought there was a chance we may be distant relatives, as she shares the same surname as my Swiss Grandmother. True story readers!

Anyhoo, I’ve loved them ever since. Whilst playing with her son she’ll ask, ‘Would you regard the term ‘Islamist’ to be offensive?’ and our conversations are always random, diverse and relevant. She has an incredible understanding about similarities between Islam and Judaism, and the difficulties religions face in the modern world.

Introduction over, now back to the story.

Today she asked me if I shook men’s hands. I blushed and said it was a favourite past time of mine… no that’s a lie. I replied saying that I don’t, but have done because I’ve found an incoming handshake an awkward thing to wriggle out of.

The previous night her husband, a Doctor, had returned home in anger that a Muslim patient had turned down his handshake by saying, ‘I can’t shake your hand, I’m Muslim’. She explained saying his guttural reaction was shock and outrage- how can someone turn down a handshake after you had spent 10 hard days saving their son’s sight?

She had debated and argued with her husband over it- practising Jewish women would also have rejected the hand shake, what’s the problem? In his mind though, the handshake was an integral part of social interaction, and by rejecting it, she was rejecting him, his morals and societal norms. It was humiliating.

Basically…he had the reaction every Muslim fears.

What if she had said her condition was medical: her OCD prevented her from being touched by people’s germ-infested hands. Or her Autism meant she can’t bear people invading her personal space. Perhaps if she had said look Dr., I’m having a sweaty day. Or even, my husband doesn’t like me shaking men’s hands?

Somehow all of these answers- including the one about the husband- would seemingly be more acceptable than ‘I’m Muslim, I don’t touch the opposite gender’.

If I refused your handshake, it wouldn’t be a personal thing. It’s not because I think you’re dirty. (It’s because your mind is.)

Although the intention behind the handshake is not usually sexual, the logic behind it is precisely why many Muslims choose not to do it: it’s a means of getting emotionally closer to the person whose hand you are shaking. It’s an ice-breaker…and that ice, between a ghair-mahram (i.e. a man and woman who are strangers), should be left unbroken.

In regards to the sunnah (the way the Prophet Muhammed, peace be upon him, lived their life) the handshake is the sunnah way of greeting. BUT! They never shook the hands of any women, despite their status as a Prophet; and when a woman extended their hands towards them, they informed them they did not shake the hands of women.

For Muslim men, this must an issue. In our society, the handshake is a typically male quality to have, something seen in business deals- think, The Apprentice, and all the countless articles about the strength of a handshake and how it reflects a person’s demeanour. It’s usually initiated by men- so what of the men who prefer not to shake hands with women? Are they weak for being strong enough to make such a decision?

Even within Islam, there are differences in how far you take it. I remember an incident in my Isoc days, I handed a brother (FYI who was completely lovely and normal) a large bean bag and he asked me to place it on the floor. I didn’t understand why- the floor was wet, my bean bag was covered in purple fur- just take it? ‘Erm it’s Ok, you can just put it on the floor and I’ll pick it up’. I looked slightly gormless and placed it on the floor, bewildered. Only later did I realise his intention may have been to avoid contact. Or to avoid us accidentally hugging the beanbag at the same time. Or maybe he wanted to ruin my purple bean bag with Mancunian rainy pavement dirt. Whatever it was, I respect and admire his intention. I only wish I understood why he did it at the time! (If you’re reading, sorry!)

If you look online about the subject, there are many ‘strategies’ suggested to Muslims in these situations. My personal favourite is when entering a potential handshaking danger zone, to keep your hands busy. So when you see Muslim women walking around with the kitchen sink, it’s not that they’re tied to it, they just desperately want to avoid your handshake.

I usually find that placing your hand upon your chest and vigorously nodding your head is a good handshake replacement.

Alternatively, upon seeing the handshake of doom extend towards you, sneeze. Nobody wants to touch a snotty hand.